Sudden Dream and Reality Check

So yesterday, a couple of my friends visited our house to check on me and have a friendly chitchat - a thing that I haven't done for ages. At first I was hesitant about them coming since entertaining people isn't one of my cards. But sooner I found myself continuously looking by the door to see if they have arrived. I even found myself laughing very happily while listening to their stories. Something that I didn't appreciate before being with them most of the hangouts.

At one point, they asked how my condition was which I answered vaguely to say that things aren't progressing much these days, meaning everything is basically the same, same open wound, same walking problems. Same everything. Then one of my friend said that she is worried since she's been tracking my condition and that I'm nearing my accident anniversary (being hospitalized on August last year), which gives me three months left. That remark got me thinking that it has been that long I have been "recovering".

As if that remark was not enough, I had a dream, so normal that it couldn't be considered as one, except that I am normal there. I dreamt I was walking along a mall I usually go to and hanging out with my friends. I recall that it was supposedly the first time I've gone back to the mall fully recovered from my battle scars. It was so sweet and I was so happy that everything I dod there feels heavenly. How happy was I, getting back the life I lost a year ago. But this same emotion woke me up from this dream since I realized that this cannot be happening, given the circumstances.

Then a thought came to me. If all these months I spent "recovering" gave me little progress, how long will it take for me fully heal? I know I'm not in any position to ask since I know very well that we do not have the funds for me to undergo another operation.

But hey, I may have always put on a brave and positive face all these time, but even the strongest warrior feels weak and useless.